Broken hearts and shattered souls
A vacant life to behold
The wonders of what could have been
Has this year finally won?
Acceptance that I will not be
Alright, right now at least
Give me some time, I will return
A stronger, safer, me.
I trust that what has been is right
That fate made it all so
And with this truth I look forward to
The next act of my show.
For who can predict how we will be
A trigger, large or small
Can set us to be safe and free
Or make us fail it all.
I choose to be the me I was
Though hard as it may be
Life will not beat me anymore
I will fight to return to me.
Up and down, up and down,
My moods they flutter up and down.
Approval granted for such variation
Doesn’t change the disappointed soul.
Happy yet sad, confused yet clear
I understand that you are not here
Life does go on, it has done, you’ve seen
Yet the grief attacks months after the scene.
Lows and highs, I feel them all
Powerful actions that cut through the heart
Warming or cooling depending upon
The aim of the attack thus far.
Freedom, I long for, my moods can’t sustain
The fluctuation of chemicals in my brain
Overthinking yet vacant, nothing in the stare
Nothing gazed upon either, now you’re not there.
New friendships blossom from the pain I have suffered
Growing strong whilst my child cannot
Invaluable companions, saving my life
I almost wish you’d go.
Friendships developed through a lack of something
Are they substitutions for love,
Or a healing factor necessary to
Reacquaint with my true self?
Extraordinary love of a friend still new
Reliant on our relationship I’ve become
The balance of someone new in my life
Replacing what has gone.
Happiness, it overwhelms
An unfamiliar feeling of late
Surprised by jovial attitudes
That make my cheeks ache.
The smiles and laugher returned to me
As though awoken from my fear
The chaos settled, comfortably
Now that my thoughts rest near.
Helpful presence in my life
That joyful internal spirit
Flickering the smiles into fast paced snapshots
There is life in it.
Welcome to the happy realm
Where life can now go on.
Much can be said of being joyful
Happiness and I are one.