Poem 87

My knees have buckled from underneath
News of happiness breaks me in uneven two
Joy of the future for my family
Pain for the indirect child
Not born to me, although to be mine by God.
Contradictions in my mind
Positive sadness for the coming tide
I’m broken, that’s all, simple as.
My grief still yields a wealthy purse
Its strings still hanging over me by a thread
Alternating between weak and strong
The unspoken feeling of loss still dictates my every move.
One day, I hope, they be born of me,
As well as of you.

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Poem 83

Parallel lives, parallel worlds

Looking left and right at all that could be

Seeing the joy, seeing the sadness

Seeing the heartbreak bestowed on me

Now that you’re gone, returned to the ground

Now that you’re gone…

…I fear I’ll be found.

Poem 82

The hardest thing

Is when people don’t know.

Comments pass by

Each one a blow.

The missing mention

About motherhood

All because

Life was not good.

The jealous pangs

When people talk about

The laughter and smiles

Before forced to shout

At their beautiful gift

Present and true.

But I lost my gift.

I lost you.

Poem 70

I look in the mirror and all I can see

Is desires, promised of what could have been

What should have been if you’d be here

Instead my mortal flesh now drowned in despair.

If you were here my eyes would shine

Sparkling with futures yet unknown

My cheeks would ache from all the smiles

Tired hands massaging the tired bones.

My furrowed brow still furrowed with you

Through worry rather than feeling blue

And my ears would listen, ever alert

Fearing a cry that signals hurt.

I look in the mirror and all I can see

Is the loneliness of being, the loneliness of me.