Poem 63

Sickness

The thought brings me sickness

The thought of carrying another child

Dread at the positive.

I don’t know what I’d do

I fear it more than I knew

That dependence of a creature

On my afflicted, tortured soul.

Who knows when I’ll be ready?

Time can measure but not predict

My delicate mind aching with terror

At a future not yet writ.

Poem 60

What would you think if you met me today?

Would you be sad or happy to see me?

So affected by your loss have I been that

You might not recognise this being.

My mind has been fractured, destroyed by the pain

The grief, the anger, the heartbreak

But my body only bears one scar

From when I tried to end it.

If you could see how you’re loved

And how your death has wrecked me

Maybe you wouldn’t have gone.

Your life could have saved me.

Poem 42

I
I am afraid
I am afraid of the darkness inside
I am afraid it will win
I am afraid of its strength and stolen resilience
Captured from the lonely hope, unwittingly.

I
I am lost
I am lost in a paradox of smiles and tears
Of happiness and longing, and fear.
I am lost in the real world but clear in my dreams –
The silent slumber is winning.

I.
I am.
Am I?