Never met due date

Today should be a day we celebrate
A day filled with joy, and pain
A day we meet a new life
And our life has some gain
But instead today we miss all things
The beauty of new life
Sadness overwhelms
Why can’t I have that life?
A pair of lungs that screams and screams
Until comforted by me
They settle info rhythmic rasps
With synchronicity.
Your time, it was not meant to be
Unhelpful as that knowledge is
I must go on, but I will remember
Your life that was never lived.

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Poem 38

Last night I dreamt such a vivid dream

When all month there have been none

I dreamt of a child as yet unconceived

A beautiful and glorious son.

Complete joy escaped from my body

As I lay on the bed with him

I embraced him close and felt the way

I’ll always feel with you.

My gift from hope, presented to me

In a smiling, doting child

A reward for recovering from all pain

And accepting all denial.

To heal is to help a damaged soul

Only then can that peace be found

Mortals, we are all fighting to keep

Courageous love close and bound.

I speak to this child and tell him tales

Of a sibling he will never meet

But there’s hope in my heart that his precious heart

Will recover me and make me complete.

Poem 26

Four weeks ago
They said you were gone
You’d stopped living, just like that
Ended, finished
No warning, no crash.

The days got harder
The days were simple
Lost in a mindscape of
What could have been
Legs frozen, no movement
I could not be free
All alone, grief overwhelmed me.

Four weeks ago
They said you were gone
My heartache’s still strong
Though acceptance has grown.
Destined to never
Grow old or grow up
Little Peter Pan
Just slightly less lost.

Poem 21

“Mummy” you called, then realised
Your sad mistake in regretful eyes.
He checked to see for panicked response
Instead encountering nonchalance.

“Daddy” you called and I smiled
Though sadness I saw in weary eyes
Longing like I had not too long ago
Wishing, though not wanting to reveal it so.

A single call, mistaken body
Unwilling response to an innocent child
The future still holding the chance to know
That call, in its truth, for us.

Poem 18

I hadn’t anticipated

How hard it would be

To care for you

Although you’re not mine.

To hold your hand

And wash your face,

To cook your dinner,

Put you to bed.

I’ve loved you from the

Moment you were born

Cared as much for you

As I would my own.

Yet now I find

I watch you sit

With sorrow and regret

For what I’ve now missed.

Poem 16

Yesterday I felt a calm
That I’ve not known for weeks
A brush of happiness filled my heart
And I grasped, clinging to it.

I know you rest
I know you’re at peace
Although you’re not with me.
I understand that
This is and was
Meant to be.

I’ll never hear you cry I know
But now that’s ok with me
A calm relief that grief accepts
That you are now free.

Poem 15

A golden hue shines on the room
The sunlight streaming in
It brings promise of a new day, new hope
A new life can begin.

The golden drops of happiness
Act like a medicine
Each droplet fills the could with life
A new day can begin.

Though times have changed the me I was
That doesn’t ever mean
I can’t return to a beta me
Not better, but knowing,

That one day soon I’ll find the key
To help all this move on
For you’re forever by my side
And with that I have won.