A broken face
Once full of dreams
Glints with memories of what could have been
If futures had altered
And paths foreseen
The shadows of the world, within.
I see the path
That calls to you
Whispering and dragging, pulling you to
The way that life
Is meant to be lived
Full of smiles, truths, and wonderment.
I beckon you
One day to see
What you deserve; you deserve to be free.
Parallel lives, parallel worlds
Looking left and right at all that could be
Seeing the joy, seeing the sadness
Seeing the heartbreak bestowed on me
Now that you’re gone, returned to the ground
Now that you’re gone…
…I fear I’ll be found.
The hardest thing
Is when people don’t know.
Comments pass by
Each one a blow.
The missing mention
Life was not good.
The jealous pangs
When people talk about
The laughter and smiles
Before forced to shout
At their beautiful gift
Present and true.
But I lost my gift.
I lost you.
The sun warms my aching mind
Torn up over the life that has passed me by
A year of wonder, a year of pain
A year of not knowing if I’ll be the same
As once I was, just 12 months ago
As once I was when you made me whole.
The sun warms my healing heart
Reminding me that all things scar
They make us stronger, they make us stand tall
They show us that we recover when we fall
Down upon the worst of luck but, with love
I will always make it up.
When you look in your mind
And then you will find
Glimpses of the person
You knew that I was
Shimmers of the person
No longer with us.
But, look closer
And then you will see
She’s there in the shadows
Hiding from me.
Biding her time
Until she’s ready to be
That brave, stronger person
That brave, stronger me.
Out with a bang
Or even a swallow,
A sniff or a poke,
A noose on a gallow.
Falling through air
Driving too fast
So many options
When I didn’t want to last.
I stopped myself
When I knew that I could
I stopped myself
Because I knew you would
For not saving me
Now I thank you
Revelations of the life we could have had
Playtimes and snuggles at the drop of a hat.
Walking your pushchair down through the park
Protecting you so the sun won’t mark.
Watching and waiting as you slowly drop off
Into a peaceful sleep – it is never enough.
Wishing you would eat one more bite
Of the food presented in your clear sight.
Revelation: when you open your eyes and see
The smile that could have belonged to me.
One year ago
The heartbeat stopped
The screen stayed monotone
You were gone.
It stopped before
I heard it beat,
I heard it echo,
Dead, not asleep.
You were gone before
That dreadful day
The day my life changed
My faith went astray.
One year ago
How can it be
That time has passed without
In my senses you’ll be
My otherworldly child
In my company.
It’s been a year now since you left
Life has changed more than I can express
The person in the mirror is no longer who I was
It’s like staring at a stranger from Oz.
One day is all it took
To turn my mind into a mess
To take the most precious thing I ever had
And leave me with emptiness instead.
And now today I sit and reflect
Review what my life has become
Good choices, bad choices, doused with regret
Of the path I have not overcome.
One year ago.
One. Whole. Year.
One whole year since I first saw a faint line
And my life changed.
I’m not who I was
No longer that girl
The one with endless hope and smiles
Free from heartbreak.
Now I’m broken
Pieced back together, day by day, hour by hour.
Longing for that different life.
Tested and challenged;
Triumphed and defeated;
Discovering new limits and realms of me –