People for whom I am thankful

If I hadn’t miscarried, I would be having my 20 week scan around now. Instead, I have spent the last 8 weeks trying to recover and accept what has happened.

I am lucky enough to be one of those people who makes friends easily. As such, I have gotten closer to people since the miscarriage and they have become invaluable confidantes. I have started trying to see the positives in things and my friendships with these people have been the glimmer of hope emerging from this miscarriage. Thank you, all of you.

R – The epitome of support. This person will say that they are selfish but their unwavering support for me has been one of the most important things over the last couple of months. We grew close in this time for many reasons and have discovered a mutual understanding of mental health issues. This has allowed us to become support nets for each other, although they haven’t needed me to support them yet. Even when topics have gotten difficult and have the potential to trigger their own problems, they haven’t shied away. Instead, they have guided me and encouraged me when I haven’t accepted what I need, being my external Jiminy Cricket whilst the internal one is on sabbatical. Thank you for opening up to me and allowing me to open up to you without judgement or pause.

F – This person has helped without even knowing they are helping I believe. Whenever I see them, they tell me that they love my face. If ever there was a way to put an instant smile on someones face, that is it. Such an endorphin rush for something so silly. They laugh and smile with me, infectious giggling overtaking us on many an occasion. It has been vital for me to have someone around like this person as, when I am vulnerable, I react on how other people are feeling. They also saved me in a way that they don’t know. I was ready to harm myself, the day before I actually harmed myself, and they texted me. It was a random text which had no importance, apart from that it started off a conversation which stunted the urge to harm myself. There are no words to describe my thankfulness for that action.

J – I think I have found my (platonic) soulmate in J. We have such incredible respect for each other whilst both wanting to spend time together whenever feasible. There are few people I have opened up to so quickly and the same is true for them. When I start to feel bad again, I will remember that I’ve created a brilliant friendship due to the miscarriage and hold onto that with all of my strength. Love you J!

I want to make a special mention as well to M who is an old friend and therefore doesn’t fall into the above words. M accepts me for who I am, troubles and all. When I told them that I had harmed myself, they accepted it and offered support in whatever way I needed it. They didn’t appear shocked or distressed, just understanding. The act that shocked them was me revealing that I had stopped listening to music for a period of time. I’d had no desire. Music is like our spines to the both of us – without it, we crumble. I still haven’t quite got the craving I used to have for music back but it is getting there.

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